Moving Away From Home

In August I set off from Eveleth, MN for the last time on a regular basis.  After a radio shift in Grand Rapids it was off west to Fargo.... for that wonderful financially burdening thing we call college. After just barely graduating high school and a fun summer that followed it, it was time for me to start my post-secondary educational career and enjoy the adventures that came with it.

I was much more excited then, as college seemed like something so spectacular and fun, and I was finally ready to be in a different area.  I slept heavily throughout the night at the hotel, eager to see what the next day would bring.  The next morning, we rode over to the college, moved all my stuff in, and then my mother and sister left....

And then it hit me.... I was more or less alone.  There were several times that first night on campus where I almost broke down in sobs and wanted to turn around and go home.

For the first few days while I was on campus I tried to socialize with as many people as possible. Some were keen to chat, others not so much, but at first I was totally alright with it, thinking that my situation would improve before long and I would be having the time of my life.  Trying to find my way around the area, I bought my books, finalized my Walmart transfer, swung through the place where I would be going to church for the weekly services, and even took the time to try and go to some on-campus events, but everyone still seemed somewhat disinterested in things to some degree, even though the party scene had already grown quite ridiculous in just a few hours, and while I would try to engage, not much would happen.

Normally I'm not one to get homesick, but I was kinda starting to feel that way now in my new semi-permanent location.

August turned to September and then to October.  Classes were in full swing but I still didn't know too many people very well on campus, rather most of my friends came from off-campus.  I was at work a lot, and was starting to pull overnighters or stay up until at least two or three in the morning on a regular basis trying to make sure all my homework got done as well as stuff for my outside commitments.  While I was well-connected at KBXE, Walmart, and Meadowridge Bible Chapel, I had almost no one to lean on or rely on at college.  If I missed a class for whatever reason I was out of luck for notes or finding out what we did, and if I would happen to be home on campus for a night I would usually end up sitting in the dorm alone as most of my housemates had other things going on.

This seems like a really sad story, and I might even come across as whiny at some points here, and if I do I sincerely apologize.  What I'm trying to do here today is give all of the new college students, evicted teenagers, or people who are moving somewhere new some advice for how to combat these feelings that may arise when relocating in a positive way.  Observe if you will.....

• Find Your Comforts In Your New Location: For me, my comforts at the time I relocated to Fargo were making music, going to church, the occasional dinner out, going on the radio, and bike riding.  The first two were able to be started up again at Meadowridge, where I now regularly bring my cajon and tambourine for the monthly meeting of the One Way Kids Club, and attend services whenever I am able.  The third one wasn't too hard, as I found personal favorites like Smashburger and Noodles & Company rather fast as well as my favorite gas station Holiday and favorite fast food burger place Mc Donald's.  I also was able to find out that the local Domino's delivers right to the front door of Pavek Hall (where I reside currently), so I was able to place an order, wait the half hour out in the comfort of my home instead of driving to town, and then just run downstairs when the "your driver is on the way" notification popped up.  The fourth one has been fulfilled by multiple trips to Bemidji (2.5 hour drive) to continue my work as an on-air volunteer for Northern Community Radio.  The studio is easily my home away from home here in Fargo, just as KAXE and Storybook were back in Eveleth.  I spend a lot of time looking for music and am always happy when I feel I've struck something that's "just right" for the show.  The last one involves the simple blessing that I was able to find a bike share station right outside the high rises in Fargo, and one right outside the Student Union, which enables me to ride between the two seamlessly and quickly (10 minute walk turns into a 3 minute bike ride).  I can also take them across town when the need arises.  I can't wait until they're back in the ground this Spring! All of these things make me excited and happy, and they elevate my mood whenever I'm doing one of them. 
• Make Your Dorm Room A Space For You Where You Feel Comfortable: My roommate moved out September 22nd, and the replacement guy never showed up until December when he wanted to check out.  Since then I have truly worked to make my dorm an accessible place for me and a place where I feel comfortable being.  I have a television, Playstation, and Apple TV, along with a bluetooth speaker so if I feel like listening to music or playing a show that I really enjoy watching, my setup has me covered.  This can help take our mind off of the fact that we're lonely in a new spot. 
• Go Do Something Fun Every Once In A While: For me this is going to the local Schmitt Music to play the electronic drum kits they have set out for their customers to try out. I don't go too often, as it would be bad to be in there constantly, but whenever I do get that itch, in the car I jump.  I also hit up the campus' fitness facility every so often to take a nice warm jacuzzi or swim a few laps in the pool.  From time to time I also have jam sessions with one of the resident assistants from the floor below mine.  Doing the things that we see as fun every so often helps to elevate us out of being sad at home alone.
• Know That The Feelings Of Loneliness Don't Last Forever: If we focus in on a bad feeling (in this case loneliness), we get irritable, sullen, and we'll withdraw from almost everything we're involved in and start being a hermit in our living spaces.  If we want to get rid of this feeling, we need to engage with our new environment in some way shape or form.  I'm not even at a 100% of that yet, but I'm doing my darndest to make sure I get close to or all the way there, as I'm sick of being sad and alone in my current situation. 

I don't need nor desire that these things be said to me, rather I'm sharing this in case it could be useful for someone else going through struggles with depression. 

I hope that if you find yourself in a situation similar to this one right now you might have been able to take something away from this post.  Depression and feelings of loneliness are very real things, and they do need to be acknowledged and not neglected.  Back when I was seven or eight I never saw it coming, but if I ignore it and let it slide off to the side it can only get worse.  The best thing for people like us to do is to engage, engage, engage.

And know that I'm always here for anyone who wants to talk about something they're going through.

Rollie Dethloff

Email: djrollied@gmail.com

FB: Rollie Dethloff

Twitter: @DJRollieD